Memories of Us: Captured in Time, Captured in Sand

My friend Brian.  Meth addict.  Died Aug. 2012.IMG_3584 93 Days off Meth now.

Brian’s body was found in Death Valley, CA along with that of his dog, in the general vicinity of where they found his car abandoned days before.  The same day I found out he was missing, Peter, my friend, my dealer, was arrested and sent to jail in what would turn out to be a long story right there.

It’s difficult for me to reflect back on this time because a lot of my mistakes and the negative effects of using were starting to come to a head.  Most importantly I was dating Jason, and at that point it was all about him, and I can clearly see now how sad I was in our Chemical romance.  This day also was my brothers wedding, another day, in my mind I ruined for myself because I was high.  Unfortunately that memory, along with my brief appearance at my step sisters wedding will always have addict and Jason attached to it.

I met Brian 1 or 2 summers before in what we become known as Rogers Park First Annual Northside Pride.  I also remember shrugging off (a now salvaged friendship) my good friend Sean that day because in my sick mind, he wasn’t a big boy and couldn’t handle meth.  Sean was, as it turns out, trying to get me to see that I was too cool to be hanging out with the dirt bag known as Marc, but I was in way too deep to see.  At this point, I felt like I was a member of an awesome sexual secret society.

Brian and I shared many secrets and now that he is gone, secrets they shall remain.  Last week I took a walk in my old neighborhood of Rogers Park.  I walked the beach as I have a million times passed the bathroom at Loyola Beach.  Brian and I had sex here.  To date, the only time I’ve ever had “sex on the beach”.  The area we fucked I then noticed was roped off and sea oats were planted in an attempt to elude the erosion and bring a natural feel to the beach.  To me, it memorialized a location that is important to me and reminds me of someone I lost, someone that could have been me if 5 years turned into 10 and so on.  I’ll never forget you Brian and I think you are watching me.  We have a special place that is ours protected forever.

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