Brian’s body was found in Death Valley, CA along with that of his dog, in the general vicinity of where they found his car abandoned days before. The same day I found out he was missing, Peter, my friend, my dealer, was arrested and sent to jail in what would turn out to be a long story right there.
It’s difficult for me to reflect back on this time because a lot of my mistakes and the negative effects of using were starting to come to a head. Most importantly I was dating Jason, and at that point it was all about him, and I can clearly see now how sad I was in our Chemical romance. This day also was my brothers wedding, another day, in my mind I ruined for myself because I was high. Unfortunately that memory, along with my brief appearance at my step sisters wedding will always have addict and Jason attached to it.
I met Brian 1 or 2 summers before in what we become known as Rogers Park First Annual Northside Pride. I also remember shrugging off (a now salvaged friendship) my good friend Sean that day because in my sick mind, he wasn’t a big boy and couldn’t handle meth. Sean was, as it turns out, trying to get me to see that I was too cool to be hanging out with the dirt bag known as Marc, but I was in way too deep to see. At this point, I felt like I was a member of an awesome sexual secret society.
Brian and I shared many secrets and now that he is gone, secrets they shall remain. Last week I took a walk in my old neighborhood of Rogers Park. I walked the beach as I have a million times passed the bathroom at Loyola Beach. Brian and I had sex here. To date, the only time I’ve ever had “sex on the beach”. The area we fucked I then noticed was roped off and sea oats were planted in an attempt to elude the erosion and bring a natural feel to the beach. To me, it memorialized a location that is important to me and reminds me of someone I lost, someone that could have been me if 5 years turned into 10 and so on. I’ll never forget you Brian and I think you are watching me. We have a special place that is ours protected forever.