Three Months and I’m still breathing…

I stumbled upon this song as I approach my 90 day mile marker of being clean.  It brought tears to my eyes.  It reminded me that I’m not only 3 months sober, but its also been three months since I lost someone that I loved very much.  I was an addict that could not be trusted.  He had every right to walk away, and I wanted him to save his own life from my hell.  In return I slowly learned to save myself after that day brought me to my knees and into an outpatient facility.  He wanted no more contact from me ever again.  He has no idea what changes I have made in my life and probably never will.  I miss him everyday, but things have gotten easier.  This will forever be a side effect that the disease of addiction stained my life with.

Joey, I miss you.  Your pain left me with so much guilt that I never thought I could live another day by myself.  Here I am 3 months later, still sober, still breathing, and still standing.  I’m learning to let go.  I’m learning to walk again on my own.

Sober

By Kelly Clarkson

I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing I wanna get it right
No comparing
Second guessing
No, not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

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