The “Boyfriend” Issue

Boys dating boys is where it all begins…

The last two “boyfriends” in my life fell to a similar fate.  Attraction was there first, then the dance.  That high school girl dance of “does he like me?”.  The jump in your stomach when you see a text come through with his name kind of dance.  The dance that happens while you are still actually thinking about what you should wear, especially when you usually prefer high tops at 36 years old.  All dances must come to an end.  After the dance, and the label of boyfriend comes into play, I immediately turn around and run away.  My love life can be easily summed up by listening to the smash Thomas Rhett hit, “Crash And Burn”.

The biggest excuse I use, is that I still miss Joey.  This is true, however it may not be the fact that I miss him that makes these “relationships” fail, but the simple fact that I do compare everyone to him.  Whatever it may be, I use this as an excuse, forever leaving Joey in my mind.  Perhaps that’s exactly where I should keep him, always recalling  how I played a hand in ruining his 2014, and how easily I can get someone attached to me and do the same to them.  It’s that damn Britney Spears sex appeal I have that I am always talking about.  Ooops I did it again…

For so long I didn’t feel right unless I was some ones boyfriend.  How embarrassing.  I’ll never forget how fucking scared I was with Tony.  The most insane part about that relationship is how I felt after it ended.  I honestly felt like a bird that realizes he has wings, but doesn’t know how to fly yet.  It was a whole new life, in a whole new world.  It was a phoenix process for sure.  Now, I hear the word boyfriend and I feel like someone just jumped up, grabbed that bird rising up from the ashes and cut it’s wings off.  Boom.  Just like that, grounded for LIFE.

You can blame it on Britney, or blame it on Joey, but always know the problem really lays with me.  If there is even a problem here at all.

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