To know me is to love me and to love me is to know that I’m a lot to deal with. Life was never ordinary due to my overwhelming need to push boundaries and stand out in a crowd. Naturally I found everything in drugs and lost it all because of them. My longest relationship has been with illegal substances and some legal ones also.
Two years ago I went to rehab, and I have been narcotic free since then. It was soooooo hard!!! That time of my life was insane. As I built my life back up, I could never feel as full as I did during the romantic era of my addiction for some reason. Every time I crossed a mile marker in my recovery or achieved another type of personal goal I would hope to wake up and feel whole again. I didn’t.
I felt that maybe it was because I was single. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I was dating a lot. I’m a sucker for the chase, as well as an attention whore. I met Anthony and the rest is history. Basically we have been together everyday since we met. He lives with me now, or I should say we live together. I felt like I was getting my life back, but then the friend equation was taken out of my days and I felt lost again after the relationship became more of a routine and settled into something long term. I wasn’t in the salon or going out and drinking anymore so socially, there was nothing.
Everything happens for a reason. Three years ago I left my job at the barbershop. Two years ago they refused to give me my job back and this was the second time I asked. That was the trigger that sent me on my final decline into the aggressive world of meth. I went to rehab and two years later earned the respect back I had lost. The barbershop decided to give me another chance. Which is were I am now…
Earning the good part back of a horrible life saved me. I feel like myself again. I’m around co workers and clients that KNOW me. Everyone else prior only knew the new version of me. I made amazing new friendships along this journey but I always felt like something was missing because everyone around me only knew half of who I was. Now, I feel 100%. I have the best of both worlds, and live in a happy home. God knows there are going to be a ton of days I don’t want my life, or miss being a reckless member of society, however my thoughts always come back, and I’m reeled back into daydreaming about how good it is, compared to how it could have been.