Tag Archives: boyfriend

Learning Love

So I’m in this relationship thing, right??  Yesterday was the big 3 month mark of being “official”.  It might sound crazy to you, because it IS crazy, but we have been living together for almost that same amount of time.  Even before he officially moved in with me, we were together every day and every night.  I didn’t want it any other way.  I still don’t want it any other way.  He’s my life.  I have never seen such a real future with anyone like I do when I look into his eyes.

I’m emotional.  I’m an over thinker.  Both of these can break me, unless I use the tools that I have to stop myself from ruining something beautiful.  I just now realized something that can put a lot of things in perspective.  This is my first sober relationship.  On top of being my first sober relationship, this is also my first healthy relationship.  This is my first REAL relationship.  I was petrified of the first one, and was a drug addict for the second one.  How could I look at these relationships as comparable to the one that I’m in?

Three months to me is a big deal, because when  I make it to three months, I make it to a year.  The past two weeks were a little rough on me to say the least.  I was questioning everything.  The dynamic of the relationship has started to change and my guy isn’t really a communicator. It seemed to me at the time that the romance was dying and it crushed me because that man was the most romantic person I have ever been with.  He had all the right things to say and always at the right time.  After a few failed attempts of communicating my way, I didn’t know what to do.  I just wanted my boyfriend back.

While the physical and romantic part of the relationship was subsiding, something new was happening.  He was becoming my best friend and I was too caught up in my emotions to even realize it.  When it comes to him, I know I will never give up, so I waited things out.  I never have doubted his love for me.  It was worth it.  It was worth feeling that feeling again when he grabbed my hand to hold it while sitting on the couch.  It was worth it to be with him on his important 1 year sober anniversary.  It was worth it to be able to feel him kiss my neck on the escalator while shopping at Kohls. I love him.

I’m learning not to over think things.  I’m trying to learn the best way to communicate with him without letting my emotions over take me.  I want him to learn how to communicate with me as well.   I’m learning how to love the right way, for love is a lot more then the crazy feelings you go through at the beginning of a relationship.  It’s more then I can even write or comprehend.  I want us to be together forever, but for now I will take it one day at a time.

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“Dishes Are Done Man” and Other boy problems

This is the random quote of the day.  One of my students busted it out in the middle of wrapping a perm and I about fell on the floor.  Any 80’s baby knows that this line is from “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead”.  For the nostalgia.

The entry below is from a draft I found of an old post.  I’m sure I intended to elaborate more on the subject, however I don’t remember exactly why I didn’t post it.  It bothers me because maybe two weeks after I wrote that, I came home after my Vegas vacation and broke off that relationship.  Just like that I didn’t like him anymore.  I’m posting it now because its weird that I felt those feelings for them to just stop.  What is WRONG with me??

I have been striking out so bad in the dating department.  It’s cause I’m picky, they are too young, too clingy, too boring, too much of a party…just too much.  My problem lies in becoming vulnerable.  I absolutely try to have complete control over my life and its understandable.  For so many years I had absolutely no control over my life.  Or so I thought.  I allowed drugs and my emotions to govern everything I did.  Now that I have taken my life back for myself, I don’t want to give up to anybody.  Until now…

Steven, within a week has made me feel all types things that I haven’t felt in years.  I mean years.  I don’t even know if I felt this way about Jason, considering my feelings for him were driven mostly through chemicals.  I would be proud and honored to call him my boyfriend.  I don’t see why he wouldn’t be in the near future.  I have felt so comfortable with him and already see that he really brings out the best in me.

So there it is.  I need to get it together.  Maybe I saw the Vegas light.  I know I did, and maybe this has more to do with it, than the guy I fucked around with when I was there.  Steven turned out to be the stalker type and was just another guy in love with an idea of me, and what I looked like rather then who I am.  He wanted to change me, he was attracted to that Britney Spears animal instinct that I have rather then the man that I am.  The problem is not with me.  The problem is letting people in before I know their intentions.  He was a waste of time.

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