Tag Archives: crazy

2016. The Best year ever.

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Obviously the first thing I did before I came on here to recap my year, was to take a look back at my previous blog entries from this past year.  On the very first post, https://ziosattic.wordpress.com/2016/01/18/when-things-cant-get-any-worse-thats-when-they-start-to-get-better/  I came across a statement that fully described how I felt going into 2016…

“Life is still in a transition.  I still live with my parents, and I’m still in school.  Sometimes I feel like it’s never going to get better, or when it does, I won’t know how be responsible as an adult.  I know my thoughts are opinions, not facts, but that doesn’t stop them from getting the best of me sometimes.  Especially days I’m on a no carb diet, but that’s a completely different story for another day.”

With that said, all I can say back is that 2016 was the best year ever.  Or at least that I’ve had in the past 10 years.  In April, I graduated from school.  Immediately following my graduation I was offered a position teaching for the school I was doing my training at.  I was given the opportunity to go to Florida the day after I graduated.  I got to see my old friend Nathan from Ft. Myers on that vacation as well.  In July I got my own apartment with my own money and credit, using my charming personality and desire to always move forward as a driving force to get exactly what I wanted.  A new apartment in Oak Park.  In August, I went to Vegas and saw Mariah Carey!  A dream that the crack head 4 years ago wrote off as an impossible venture.  This vacation was the first time in years I felt free.  I got to feel like myself.  As well as everything was going, I was still struggling with the fact that dating was not my thing and was trying to get comfortable with that fact that I was going to be alone forever.  Then just like that, I met the man of my dreams.  I was able to love again.  The kinda love that makes your heart cramp, skip beats and feel so full, you’d think you would explode.   It’s been years since I could say those words, but I suddenly started to hear myself say those three dangerous words.  I love you.  As if that wasn’t enough, I bought a new car.  My down payment, my credit, my loan.  One more very important thing, Tony and I adopted a cat, Mars.

As far as my writing is concerned, I started my “Letters to Joey” series.  It has proved to be, and still will be a very therapeutic part of the creative process, allowing me to let go of what used to be, and fulfilling some undying need that I have to reach out to the guy that changed my life forever.  If it wasn’t for Joey, this amazing 2016 would have never happened.  This reality of mine would have never exsited if it wasn’t for three words from him.  Leave me alone.

Here’s t0 2017.  I hope to write a lot more.  I am planning on loving someone with my whole heart and not push love away.  Maintaining my lifestyle is all I hope to do this year, and continue to grow with the man I love.  Not on my own.  I’m going to be less selfish and I’m going to learn how to say no.  My biggest challenge is going to this relationship.  It’s going to be long term.  We are going to fight, there are going to be bad days, and I hope I’ve learned enough about life to handle all that comes my way with a grain of salt, to believe in love, and not let the small stuff ruin my day.  Happy 2017 readers, here it goes….

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“Dishes Are Done Man” and Other boy problems

This is the random quote of the day.  One of my students busted it out in the middle of wrapping a perm and I about fell on the floor.  Any 80’s baby knows that this line is from “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead”.  For the nostalgia.

The entry below is from a draft I found of an old post.  I’m sure I intended to elaborate more on the subject, however I don’t remember exactly why I didn’t post it.  It bothers me because maybe two weeks after I wrote that, I came home after my Vegas vacation and broke off that relationship.  Just like that I didn’t like him anymore.  I’m posting it now because its weird that I felt those feelings for them to just stop.  What is WRONG with me??

I have been striking out so bad in the dating department.  It’s cause I’m picky, they are too young, too clingy, too boring, too much of a party…just too much.  My problem lies in becoming vulnerable.  I absolutely try to have complete control over my life and its understandable.  For so many years I had absolutely no control over my life.  Or so I thought.  I allowed drugs and my emotions to govern everything I did.  Now that I have taken my life back for myself, I don’t want to give up to anybody.  Until now…

Steven, within a week has made me feel all types things that I haven’t felt in years.  I mean years.  I don’t even know if I felt this way about Jason, considering my feelings for him were driven mostly through chemicals.  I would be proud and honored to call him my boyfriend.  I don’t see why he wouldn’t be in the near future.  I have felt so comfortable with him and already see that he really brings out the best in me.

So there it is.  I need to get it together.  Maybe I saw the Vegas light.  I know I did, and maybe this has more to do with it, than the guy I fucked around with when I was there.  Steven turned out to be the stalker type and was just another guy in love with an idea of me, and what I looked like rather then who I am.  He wanted to change me, he was attracted to that Britney Spears animal instinct that I have rather then the man that I am.  The problem is not with me.  The problem is letting people in before I know their intentions.  He was a waste of time.

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