Tag Archives: gayrelationships

The Trouble With Love Is…

The Trouble With Love Is- Kelly Clarkson

Music is my best friend.  It always has, and always will be until the end of my days.  Any time of my life that I felt discouraged, felt like I didn’t belong, felt like I was all alone in the world with my thoughts or feelings, music was right there letting me know that my feelings were valid.  I don’t know if it’s my personality or the burden of being a Pisces, but I’ve always been an overly emotional and sensitive person.

One thing that I noticed worked very well for me over the past few years in suppressing some of the crippling emotions that take me over was staying single.  Even when I was dating, no one and I mean NO ONE had my 100 percent attention the way that Anthony does.  In fact, I know that part of the success of 2016 was that I didn’t allow myself to fall in love.  There was no one really worth falling in love with.  I had confidence and knew my self worth.  With that said, having finally met my match, I find myself feeling a rage of emotions that I haven’t had to feel in many years.  Love, desire, adoration, just to name a few.  Along with the good also comes the bad.  Insecurity, feeling vulnerable and what I consider to be the ugliest emotion: Jealousy.

Even though I let my thoughts run wild sometimes, music teaches me not only that I will be OK, but also that I am far from alone.  Think about it.  Not only does the artist who is writing or preforming the song have the same feelings as I do, but also enough people in the general population feel these feelings for it to even become a contender for a place on an album.  Sometimes these masterpieces even become number 1 singles, further proving one fact.  You are not alone.

In conclusion, I am not alone in love.  It’s natural to feel the good and the bad.  As long as I know that I love him and at the end of the day I know that he loves me, we will continue to grow and move forward in our relationship.  Love IS being vulnerable.  If I wasn’t vulnerable then I would be incapable of feeling love.  I love Anthony, and I’m going to give this all that I got.

 

The Trouble With Love Is

Love can be a many splendored thing
Can’t deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It’ll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It’ll fool ya every time

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it’s true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I’m sadder but I’m wiser too
I swore I’d never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I’ve got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin’
And I keep on fallin’
Over and over again
The sad story always ends the same
Me standin’ in the pourin’ rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It’s stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn’t care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you’ve got no say at all

Songwriters: EVAN A. ROGERS, CARL ALLEN STURKEN, KELLY BRIANNNE CLARKSON
© Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.
Data from: LyricFind
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“Dishes Are Done Man” and Other boy problems

This is the random quote of the day.  One of my students busted it out in the middle of wrapping a perm and I about fell on the floor.  Any 80’s baby knows that this line is from “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead”.  For the nostalgia.

The entry below is from a draft I found of an old post.  I’m sure I intended to elaborate more on the subject, however I don’t remember exactly why I didn’t post it.  It bothers me because maybe two weeks after I wrote that, I came home after my Vegas vacation and broke off that relationship.  Just like that I didn’t like him anymore.  I’m posting it now because its weird that I felt those feelings for them to just stop.  What is WRONG with me??

I have been striking out so bad in the dating department.  It’s cause I’m picky, they are too young, too clingy, too boring, too much of a party…just too much.  My problem lies in becoming vulnerable.  I absolutely try to have complete control over my life and its understandable.  For so many years I had absolutely no control over my life.  Or so I thought.  I allowed drugs and my emotions to govern everything I did.  Now that I have taken my life back for myself, I don’t want to give up to anybody.  Until now…

Steven, within a week has made me feel all types things that I haven’t felt in years.  I mean years.  I don’t even know if I felt this way about Jason, considering my feelings for him were driven mostly through chemicals.  I would be proud and honored to call him my boyfriend.  I don’t see why he wouldn’t be in the near future.  I have felt so comfortable with him and already see that he really brings out the best in me.

So there it is.  I need to get it together.  Maybe I saw the Vegas light.  I know I did, and maybe this has more to do with it, than the guy I fucked around with when I was there.  Steven turned out to be the stalker type and was just another guy in love with an idea of me, and what I looked like rather then who I am.  He wanted to change me, he was attracted to that Britney Spears animal instinct that I have rather then the man that I am.  The problem is not with me.  The problem is letting people in before I know their intentions.  He was a waste of time.

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Letters to Joey….3

Hey Joey…

It’s your favorite time of the year, which of course is my least favorite time of the year.  Sooooo… I put up my Christmas tree this week and thought of you.  I remember you made a point to make sure I had a good Christmas the holiday we were together and you did.  I was nervous to put my tree up because the last time I had a tree up was our Christmas together and I knew there would be some keepsakes.  I came across the Chihuahua ornament.  Also was a photo card of you with your brothers.  There really are no words Joey.  I put the card on the tree.  You represent so much for me.   I  miss you so much.  I wanted to avoid the whole situation and leave the boxes all together in Dann’s attic, until Bonnie said to me “So you are telling me you are afraid of a box.”  When she put it that way, I had to face my anxiety to get over the situation.  Your memory keeps me going.  I hope that you saw the good in me and my potential because in the end, you are the one who brought it out in me.

 

Love Always, DD

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The “Boyfriend” Issue

Boys dating boys is where it all begins…

The last two “boyfriends” in my life fell to a similar fate.  Attraction was there first, then the dance.  That high school girl dance of “does he like me?”.  The jump in your stomach when you see a text come through with his name kind of dance.  The dance that happens while you are still actually thinking about what you should wear, especially when you usually prefer high tops at 36 years old.  All dances must come to an end.  After the dance, and the label of boyfriend comes into play, I immediately turn around and run away.  My love life can be easily summed up by listening to the smash Thomas Rhett hit, “Crash And Burn”.

The biggest excuse I use, is that I still miss Joey.  This is true, however it may not be the fact that I miss him that makes these “relationships” fail, but the simple fact that I do compare everyone to him.  Whatever it may be, I use this as an excuse, forever leaving Joey in my mind.  Perhaps that’s exactly where I should keep him, always recalling  how I played a hand in ruining his 2014, and how easily I can get someone attached to me and do the same to them.  It’s that damn Britney Spears sex appeal I have that I am always talking about.  Ooops I did it again…

For so long I didn’t feel right unless I was some ones boyfriend.  How embarrassing.  I’ll never forget how fucking scared I was with Tony.  The most insane part about that relationship is how I felt after it ended.  I honestly felt like a bird that realizes he has wings, but doesn’t know how to fly yet.  It was a whole new life, in a whole new world.  It was a phoenix process for sure.  Now, I hear the word boyfriend and I feel like someone just jumped up, grabbed that bird rising up from the ashes and cut it’s wings off.  Boom.  Just like that, grounded for LIFE.

You can blame it on Britney, or blame it on Joey, but always know the problem really lays with me.  If there is even a problem here at all.

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