Tag Archives: #mariahcarey

2016. The Best year ever.


Obviously the first thing I did before I came on here to recap my year, was to take a look back at my previous blog entries from this past year.  On the very first post, https://ziosattic.wordpress.com/2016/01/18/when-things-cant-get-any-worse-thats-when-they-start-to-get-better/  I came across a statement that fully described how I felt going into 2016…

“Life is still in a transition.  I still live with my parents, and I’m still in school.  Sometimes I feel like it’s never going to get better, or when it does, I won’t know how be responsible as an adult.  I know my thoughts are opinions, not facts, but that doesn’t stop them from getting the best of me sometimes.  Especially days I’m on a no carb diet, but that’s a completely different story for another day.”

With that said, all I can say back is that 2016 was the best year ever.  Or at least that I’ve had in the past 10 years.  In April, I graduated from school.  Immediately following my graduation I was offered a position teaching for the school I was doing my training at.  I was given the opportunity to go to Florida the day after I graduated.  I got to see my old friend Nathan from Ft. Myers on that vacation as well.  In July I got my own apartment with my own money and credit, using my charming personality and desire to always move forward as a driving force to get exactly what I wanted.  A new apartment in Oak Park.  In August, I went to Vegas and saw Mariah Carey!  A dream that the crack head 4 years ago wrote off as an impossible venture.  This vacation was the first time in years I felt free.  I got to feel like myself.  As well as everything was going, I was still struggling with the fact that dating was not my thing and was trying to get comfortable with that fact that I was going to be alone forever.  Then just like that, I met the man of my dreams.  I was able to love again.  The kinda love that makes your heart cramp, skip beats and feel so full, you’d think you would explode.   It’s been years since I could say those words, but I suddenly started to hear myself say those three dangerous words.  I love you.  As if that wasn’t enough, I bought a new car.  My down payment, my credit, my loan.  One more very important thing, Tony and I adopted a cat, Mars.

As far as my writing is concerned, I started my “Letters to Joey” series.  It has proved to be, and still will be a very therapeutic part of the creative process, allowing me to let go of what used to be, and fulfilling some undying need that I have to reach out to the guy that changed my life forever.  If it wasn’t for Joey, this amazing 2016 would have never happened.  This reality of mine would have never exsited if it wasn’t for three words from him.  Leave me alone.

Here’s t0 2017.  I hope to write a lot more.  I am planning on loving someone with my whole heart and not push love away.  Maintaining my lifestyle is all I hope to do this year, and continue to grow with the man I love.  Not on my own.  I’m going to be less selfish and I’m going to learn how to say no.  My biggest challenge is going to this relationship.  It’s going to be long term.  We are going to fight, there are going to be bad days, and I hope I’ve learned enough about life to handle all that comes my way with a grain of salt, to believe in love, and not let the small stuff ruin my day.  Happy 2017 readers, here it goes….

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I Am Me. Dolce, A Fucking Mess (About me, blogging 101 addition)


At this moment, I am 34.  I live in Glen Ellyn, IL- a yuppy suburb west of Chicago.  This is where I grew up.  I moved back out here less then a year ago because I simply lost everything.  I blamed Crystal Meth for a long time however I could have stopped a lot of things from happening to me if I wasn’t over medicated on Zoloft and programed not to react.  I’m currently in an out patient drug rehab program out here on my own.  That seems to be the recurring theme in my life.  On my own.

Over a year ago I experienced a very dramatic separation from the person I should have been spending the rest of my life with.  Drugs were easy.  Recovering from this, is still a challenge. I left him and everything I achieved, worked, and sweat for behind and I had to start over.  The drugs were ruing my life,  They lied to me.  They cheated,  They made the two people I loved the most turn into complete monsters and showed me how quickly love becomes hate in the face of addiction.  One of those people was myself, and I struggle everyday to remember who I was when I used to love “me”.

I am a hair stylist. I love Mariah Carey.  I have a Chihuahua.  I self medicate with weed.  I blog to feel better, to know there are other people out there that understand me, and that maybe someday he will read something that will someday make him forgive me.

I’m a Zio. That’s Uncle in Italian.  When the road crumbles to stone and i can barley stay on the road anymore, I look in the rear view mirror and see that baby. He’s the reason that I chose to attempt to better my life.  Since I found out that my sister in law was pregnant I knew I wanted to be a better man then who i was, so all these changes are for the bigger picture.

I’m gay. I was thrown out of my home.  I’m poor.  I was an escort.  I’ve done porn and sold drugs.  I have always chose to live life on the bad side and I can’t do it anymore.  I am way to sensitive for this lifestyle and it was all killing me.  That’s why I went to Beauty School 10 years ago.  I’m good at what I do.  I have ADHD and refuse medication. (Can you tell?)  I want to feel independent again.  I want to feel free to write again.

That’s a little background on who I see in the mirror when I wake up everyday.  A little about me.

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